Pfunksfoolosophy

 That’s Pooper up there, pondering life…and his Bubbe’s political views.

I am a registered Democrat. I am a happy Democrat, but I have got to tell you…it is one huge snoozefest when you watch on CNN. Plus, ye gods the people. Have you ever seen a more poorly dressed group of delegates in one place? (Wait for the RNC) I’m joking. Sort of. I’m actually rather concerned about this election much more so than in the past because we’ve got a good chance of continuing to shoot ourselves in the foot.

With Joe Biden, a man with about as much charisma as a sea sponge, as running mate, Obama has made it a lot easier for Republicans and Clinton Dems to divide the party even more. Oy, yoi yoi…what to do? I say you let Sasha, the youngest Obama child, make more speeches. I say you get her out there to explain the finer points of a given Hannah Montana episode, squeezing the cute from each moment. ‘Cause I’ve gotta tell ya, Uncle Ted can take us but so far.

By the way, Ted looked pretty good. I had the good fortune to have met him years ago, when the world and he and I were a bit younger. He’s a great listener. He doesn’t fade on ya when you’re blabbering about something. He can offer intelligent opinions and he’s got a quick mind. He’s also a crack up that guy. I felt sorta bad for Caroline Schlossberg. I don’t get the sense that she wants to speak in public. I mean, she understands that as a Kennedy she’s pretty much duty bound to do so, but I’m fairly certain she would rather she volunteered someplace instead of being in front of a camera and being scrutinized. Man, she’s got her mom’s smile though, doesn’t she? Poor kid, hope she makes it home okay.

Back to Ted: He seems slower, less peppy but he possesses a sharpness of spirit that I hope he’ll not lose. An endorsement from him is as good as gold. Here’s hoping that the droning of Biden will not dampen the momentum.

Will we ever hear about what Obama has to offer us? Who knows? We know of his values, but what the heck is he gonna do with this country already? Goodness knows he’s a likeable guy, but I’m sure in some quarters so is our current president. I shudder to think of which quarters, but you get my point.

Now, here’s why I would never be a delegate: dude, this crap takes forever. Foreeeevvvver. I would have left the convention center at least 12 times to get a drink, some food, grab a cigarette, go to the bathroom, see a movie…jeepers crow! Get to the point already people!
And the choice of music…I was waiting to hear “Afternoon Delight” after a little while. “You’re Still the One” by Orleans? Umm, are we married to Sen. Kennedy? Nope and I can tell you I ain’t still havin’ fun with the guy. “Isn’t She Lovely?” the song was not apropos of a future first lady. I would have much preferred hearing “Magic Man” as the outro for Kennedy. Although it would have been highly inappropriate given that incident on the bridge that fateful eve, but it would have been groovy. “One Nation Under a Groove” would have been awesome after Michelle “I have a sort of  Sigourney Weaver underbite” Obama’s speech. In truth, I spent more time goofing on her than I did listening to her.
Have I mentioned that her birthday is the same as mine–and the same year?
Yeah, so a vote for Obama is really a vote for Michelle which is sort of like a vote for me. There you have it. Put Pfunk in the White House. Man is Barack Obama a lucky guy. If his wife’s birthday wasn’t the same day as mine, I’d be voting for Nader.

Ah, that’s good stuff.

You’re not gonna get any political analysis on this blog. You’re gonna get foolosophy.
Dig that, okay?
Remember to vote your heart.

And don’t tell me about it.

Keep on truckin’!

Hey gang,

It’s been a sorta whirlwind of craziness for me, but it’s been grooviness for the most part. I got to spend some time with Pooper and my kids, my best friend and her family and I’ve been able to do much more than I’ve done in the past. Not so much of a hermit lately, which has been strange, but cool. The best part is I perfected my jerk chicken recipe.

I’d like to share it with you, but I’m reluctant. You see, if you become a jerk chicken maven, will you still come back here? I think not. I think you’ll go right out and start a business and leave me here cryin’ like…oh, that was too dramatic even for me.

Okay, here’s what’s shakin’ in Pfunk town: Still working, which is amazing. Still trying to understand why we have to hear about Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. At least Lindsay has some talent. Poor kid…I really do hope she makes it home okay. I caught some of that ‘Living Lohan’ on VH-1. I’m still not sure about that family. I do love the fact that Ali makes those faces and isn’t aware of it. She’s acting her age. Mind you, I am not too charmed with the makeup at her age, but I’m not her mother. Speaking of her mom, she and I are the same age, give or take a year. She’s in great shape, but still the mugshot…she looks older than me. Do I delight in telling you that? Yep. The one thing I’ve got going for me other than my emormous immaturity, is the fact that I look a good ten years younger.

Now, having said that I can only attribute it to never having married or birthing children and of course, genetics. Can’t take credit for any of it. Let’s see…what else? Oh, I watched that Denise Richards show. Whoo, mama…she curses like a sailor on liberty, that one. Potty mouth. Sorta like her for that. Her dad is sweet, though and I believe I watched it for him. I hope HE makes it home okay. It’s tough to lose a spouse. Poor guy.

What else? I’ve been reading a lot more than normal. My friend Old Bean sent me two books that were both captivating. The first was about the Bin Laden family by Steve Coll. Pick it up. It’s well researched and not a dry read. Coll is an extraordinary writer and I enjoyed the book–and it was a big ‘un. The other book was the only Hunter S. Thompson book I’d not read, “Hell’s Angels”–delightful. Thompson’s best writing, if you ask me, which you didn’t.

Not too pleased about all the hubbub between McCain and Obama. I’ve had it. ALSO, very, very unnerved that John Edwards stepped out on his wife. Not because it’s a crappy thing to do to a person, which it is, no doubt, but because he seemed like a straight shooter for so long–mind you, do I ever believe politicians? Nope. Maybe I was taken in by that ‘Aw shucks, I’m a man of the people’ act. It was the smile. I’m a sucker.

Still dig him and his wife, though. It isn’t for me to judge. Man, I know I could never run for public office. “Did you once flash a cabdriver in NYC?” “Yes.” It only goes downhill from there, friends.

Lemme see…if you get the chance, pick up a book called “Zoli” by Colum McCann. You’ll be glad you did.

Oh! I wanted to use my time to say goodbye to Bernie Mac and to Nuala O’Faolain who both passed away. Bernie passed most recently and I’d only just discovered that Nuala had left this mortal coil, but she died in May. We’re losin’ some great ones and Madonna is still kickin’. That was a poor joke. I wouldn’t wish death on anyone. Just to stop recording music.

In still other news, I want to give a shout out to Christina Applegate who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Her mom had it twice, so she knows the drill. She’s gonna be just fine. Applesauce, if you’re reading this: Keep on truckin’, kid. Just get a new playlist next time I see ya.

In recent news, had an outing with a very dear friend and our exchange of energy was much needed and so welcome…like a great cup of coffee on a brisk autumn day. Really enjoyed it. Although I must tell you, do not ever go to LONDEL’S in Harlem. Yeeps.

Okay, kids…nothin’ but love for ya. Keep on keepin’ on and keep on trying to be loving and caring…it’s gonna be a-okay.

This summer has been chock full of activity thus far and while I would love to give you all the lowdown on every little detail…most of it’s pretty mundane.

SO, let’s get to the good stuff. I’m employed, I’m relatively healthy and I am happy as all get out. These are good things. I’m sorry to say that I’ve been doing a lot of television watching…but it’s been in the form of Le Journal, so my French is getting much better.

My pal Michael and I have decided to get out of the hermit mode we’re both in and go out. The first foray didn’t go as well as anticipated. It rained that evening and I stayed in. When I tried to ring him to let him know that I was ‘in’ for the night, he had turned his mobile phone off…ahem. He had already made his decision to stay in with his dog and his many, many volumes of Sir Laurence Olivier narrated DVDs. I love him, but he’s worse off than me. And he’s younger. And has a great job.

Well, we’ve made a pact that we’re going to some concerts and movies in the parks here in NYC and the outer boroughs. Yeah, I know…I seldom leave Manhattan. With good reason, might I add. It’s miles from anywhere once you leave the Big Onion, man. BUT, I think it’s good for us.
Hey, Koya and Pooper were here for the 4th and we had great Chinese food at Big Bowl Noodles…one of my favorite places. The staff there know me and treat me well. Good, fresh Chinese food that is reasonably priced. The lunch specials go until 5pm. Bless them.

We also went to see Wall e, which was a solid flick with a couple of good messages there.

In other news: gonna try this dating thing again. It’s seldom successful, but I love men so I’ve gotta cast the net again…we’ll see what happens.

Talk it up; I’ve not heard from any of you… I’ll post some recipes shortly…Would love for you folks who purchased my pretzel cookbook to post your thoughts and fave recipes for me….amazon.com awaits you…

Hope your summer is filled with tons of laughter and loads of lovely love.

: )

Hey gang!
Yeah, yeah…I’ve not been good about keeping in contact with ya. I’ve been doing some writing and some soul searching…always trying to keep on moving forward and growth can be hard sometimes.

When is it time to call it quits with relationships? How much are you willing to go through before you cry ‘Uncle’? Well, lately I’ve had to ask myself a lot of questions like that and I really don’t have a lot of answers. You see, I would like to believe that people are basically good hearted, fine, honest, upfront, upright beings. Guess what? They are not.

So, while I would like to tell ya that all is groovy–ah, heck, all IS groovy. It’s  my pal David’s birthday on the morrow and he’s been a true blue pal ever since I met him at a movie theater revival screening of “All About Eve”. He’s  the Vera to my Mame and I adore him.

The best thing is that he got to meet my best friend. (I’ve still not shared our weekend together, have I?) They fell in love with one another immediately. This brings me enormous pleasure, I’ve gotta tell ya. David is an extraordinary person and when he met Kim the sparks flew, the lovelight started shining and it was lovely.

David will celebrate his birthday tomorrow and I wanted to share the love. He and I sing at the top of our lungs while walking down New York streets. We share laughter, we bitch about tourists walking willy nilly along ‘our’ sidewalks, we create characters and remain in character for the better part of the day, we write together…we drink, we cry, we consume food that’s bad for us, but above all else, we share our lives in a meaningful way.

We don’t give one another lip service. We’re honest with one another. That is important in friendship. It’s vital. I appreciate this more than you’ll know, given recent events in my life. True long lasting friends are hard to find; we need to cultivate them like heirloom roses. Nourish the soil from which the friendship blossoms, ya dig?

 So, I want to honor my friends, my loved ones on this blog when I can. Let others know that they’re special to me. David deserves some recognition for being a superlative dude.

He’s young enough to be my kid for cryin’ out loud. (that is if I was a slutty high schooler) David had to raise himself, he had to figure out that it was perfectly okay to be gay. No one gave him anything. He’s a hardworking young man with a great mind and an open heart.
David…Vera…your heart is from Tiffany’s and I am honored to have you in my posse.

Happy birthday, youngster!  I love you!

Hey, kids…loads of really groovy stuff has been happenin’ in Pfunk’s life:

Spookyand I have been talkin’ about getting the Brotherhood of the Travelin’ Pants back together which is fabulousity times about a million—but that’s another story.

Pooper is too smart for  his Bubbee…

Ah, life is getting pretty darned groovy, man. I am totally groovin’ on my blessings.

What to do? Share it, yeah? It is so superfantastic that I’ve got to wonder how I can appreciate it without screwing it up…

Let  me know if I DID screw it up, but in the meantime…let me tell you just how groovy you all are…revel in it, babies…roll around and wallow in you funkitude ’cause lemme tell ya…no one else is gonna tell ya how super groovy you really are. Most folks are lookin’ to see how they can benefit. Not the Pfunk, baby… I’m here to tell ya that you rock the school.

Yep…YOU. You’re boss of the beach. Why? ‘Cause you care about folks. You go the exra mile when you don’t have it in ya. You call. You write. You bring something to the person who needs it. Sure,  you can’t afford it—you still do it, and you’re honest.
Guess what? I absolutely adore you for that. Hell, in spite of it. You rock the school.

Go and share your coolness. Share your honesty. Share your wonder.
You are the best you can be.

I dig that.

Loads of crazy stuff going on in my life, kids.

Some of it is pretty groovy but most of it is making me tired. Very tired. This blog business isn’t much of a business, but it’s a good way to vent for a bit and express myself. You know…complain while sounding all kindsa deep. Okay, maybe not.

Working, working, writing…laughing at the insanity…eh. Pretty good stuff. Did NOT see myself on Law and Order: SVU. My kid did, which is a problem. Is it that I wasn’t watching or is it that I just can’t SEE? We’ll investigate that burning (itch?) question later.

On with the show: Okay, the gig on Sunday was cancelled, but the gig before that was weird. I don’t know why I went on so late, but by the time I went up the audience (peopled with all kinds of out of towners–foreigners at that) was pretty tired. I was mediocre, but still charming. I didn’t feel that adrenaline rush that follows a great show. Eh. You can’t be a winner all the time, I say.

In other news: I’ve been working on some short stories. They’re crap but they make me remember why I wanted to become a writer and why I enjoy telling stories. Speaking of storytellers: Check out ‘Zoli’ by Colum McCann. He’s one of my favorite writers. Brilliance. And you know I don’t use that word lightly…

In a late breaking story: The ‘old man’ I’ve been taking care of is out of the hospital. No more jaunts to Queens on the “R” train. I am relieved. Queens is miles from nowhere, ya know? BUT, they’ve got a Target. Bought some health and beauty aids on the cheap. Should last me a good long time. Happy.

My crush on Kevin James is going strong–thought you should know that. WHY does  “The King of Queens” still slay me? Can’t help myself. The cast blows my mind. Got into an argument with a woman who thought me daft because I said he was cute. Mind you, I was ragging on her because she said that Mick Jagger was sexy. Okay. Mick. Jagger. Sexy.

Are you kidding a person? First of all, old enough to be my daddy. Second of all, he looks like the Grim Reaper’s cousin Frank on a bad day. Thirdly…YIKES, man. Have you really taken a good look at the old boy lately? I’ve seen him up close and personal. I needed a shower for my eyeballs. And the boy cain’t sing. I want to slap him with a baby seal. Only if the baby seal would survive, mind you. Maybe with a kitten. Okay, PETA is gonna be on my arse.

Where am I going? Oh, what about PETA being a little crazy also? I’d like to see People for the Ethical Treatment of HUMANS. That would be nice.

All right, that last bit was apropos of absolutely nothing, but I felt it had to be written.

PETH. Heh. PETH. When you say it softly, it’s almost like praying. Peeeeeeettttthhhhh.

You’d think I was a stoner and not a sleep deprived maniac on the verge of –well.

Well, let’s see what’s in the mailbag…

“Dear Pfunk, Lately I’ve been wondering about a couple of things: what is going on with the hair on Zahara, the Jolie-Pitt kid? Do they even KNOW any black people or are they convinced that it’s perfectly all right for that kid to walk around  with a fright wig atop her adorable head? Comb and brush. Apply them to her hair. Every. Day. The other thing is this: what is going on with us having to know every single move that Britney Spears makes? I don’t care and I would give the highest prize in Journalism to the reporter who refuses to utter her name again–unless it is accompanied by the phrase ‘and I couldn’t  possibly care less.’ Yep, I’ve had it. So, Pfunk…please respond with some foolosophy.
Yours most truly,

Your inner self”

Dear Inner Self,

I got nothin’.

Hey–this has been a scattered column tonight, but then again, so am I.
Keep on keepin’ on, know that I love ya and I’ll write again soon. I’ve been missin’ us.

We’re  really good together.

: )

Last weekend, my best friend of nearly 37 years, Kim, came for a much needed visit. She’s married and has one child. Both her husband and  her son have ADHD. I’ve seen her son unmedicated and it takes a great deal to find the patience to handle him. He’s a great kid. He’s funny, which can be his downfall and he’s smart. The thing is…when you need him to get ready for school and he’s not medicated, you want to slap him. He’s also diabetic, so he can’t skip a meal. Yep. Kim NEEDED the vacation. I needed to see her as well.

Another win/win situation.

I would love to regale you with our adventures, but I want to check in with her first.

I may have to coerce her and also get the lowdown from her perspective.

So, keep your eye on this column, dear readers. You’re gonna get an eyefull of some crazy happenings including just why she and I are lifelong friends. She’s a bit of a devil, that kid.

This may take a couple of days to process.

In any event, if you have dear friends with whom you’ve lost touch…give ‘em a jingle. Drop ‘em a line. I’m nearly always in contact with Kim. We’re sorta co-dependent but in a healthy way. HEALTHY, I say!

Heh. That were funny. We were phrasemakers all weekend, with Kim being the champion for this one: “The fart from the ass who must not be named”. Ruminate on that one for a bit, kids.

Oh, there was ass-gas and it wasn’t pretty. I think I just overshared. Yep, I sure did.

Can’t take it back now. Chuckle it up out there, gang.

Love ya!
Hey, and pick up my cookbook!
I’ve not mentioned it enough, have I?

THE PRETZEL COOKBOOK: A NEW TWIST ON EVERYONE’S FAVORITE SNACK

Is that good enough for ya?
Amazon has it…so does Borders and Barnes and Noble.

GET it,  already!
If you request it, I’ll even autograph it for ya.

How do ya like THEM apples?
Ah, youth. I wish I still had it.

Be careful out there.

Broadway Comedy Club for all the dates:

27 April 10 pm

10 May 10 pm

17 May 7pm

The time and VIP line info is for the 17th only, but the rest is solid… 

Broadway Comedy Club 318 W. 53rd Street (Between 8th and 9th Ave)
NY, NY 10019
SHOW TIME 7:00 p.m.
Doors Open at 6:15 p.m.
Cover: $15. Only $12 if advance reservation is made on VIP line:
212-252-4255

 Hope you can make it.

The first two are guest spots so I don’t know the exact line up. Be there or be square, kids.

Hope you are all doing okay.

Life is a funny thing. Gonna have to catch you up on my pal’s visit here. It was superfantastic and I miss her already.

We’re coming up on our 37th anniversary—friendship-wise in August.

It would be great if she could come out for that.

Here’s hoping she’ll let me post some pics from her visit. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t.

I can’t blame her for not wanting her mug posted on the internet for potential stalkers.

Still, I want to share our adventures in the big onion.

Talk to you soon!

Be groovy…

Yep, I did some ‘work’ as an extra on Law and Order SVU a couple of weeks ago. What the heck, right? It’s acutally fun being an extra if you don’t take life too seriously and expect to be an instant star, which unfortunately most of the newbies expect…poor saps. What is very cool is that you get to watch the process. I enjoy watching the set ups and I dig watching the actors interact with one another. Some of them–Mariska Hargitay in particular, seem to be down to earth folks with a good work ethic. Some of them–Robin Williams to be specific as he was the special guest star, seem to need someone to open their bottled water for them–that’s just plain loco. NEVER have anyone open a drink for you. She coulda slipped him a roofie.

No es bueno. He also was trying waaay too hard to crack everyone up. I felt sorry for him. It was just a couple of days after the divorce announcement, so I know he must have felt additional pressure to appear to be chipper. Instead, he was annoying.
I really don’t  dig that ‘ghetto Black woman’ voice he does. It really makes me want to pimp slap him. G-d bless him, though. He’s kinda cute. Like a furbee. He’s also got pretty good skin.

Here’s the thing: Chris Meloni is quite handsome. I mean, HANDSOME. He’s not nearly as hair impaired as I thought he would be (although that could be a piece, I dunno) and he’s in excellent shape. I couldn’t stop looking at his bum. And I’m not a bum watcher.

Weird. Some guys have that presence about them. He’s one of them.
Richard Belzer somehow has my heart, though. He’s got the best, most genuine smile I’ve ever seen on a man who otherwise seems to be the boy who never had a date. Ever. There is a very sweet gentle vibe that makes him attractive–sorta. Anyway, it was fun to be on the set.

We were participating in a ‘pillow fight for peace’. I have no idea what that even means, since if you use the words ‘fight for peace’, you’re sorta bein’ moronic…but that’s just me.

I am all for cheesecake eating for peace or manwatching for peace. This requires very little effort on my part. But I digress.

There were  pillows everywhere…feathers flying…laughter…and me…sneezing like a bastard. I had taken some Benadryl prior to the shoot, but I didn’t  take enough. I’m also asthmatic. Not a good look. I’m sure that Meloni was NOT charmed. I’m also sure that  he was paying me no mind at all. No matter. He’s married.

I offered Robin Williams a lozenge. He declined. I offered my giant Lifesavers. Nothin’. I offered some kugel. He gave me the cutest look. “KUGEL? You don’t  hear that very often”
Har har…please riff on that one, Robin you comedic genius.

I shrugged and made some kinda  funny mouth noises and he and I shared a moment.

I love it when celebrities act like they are the only ones to have facile minds. Makes ya wanna slap them. Or help them open up their water bottles.

Jeepers creepers. I’m praying  he makes it home okay, though. This is his second divorce. I am praying  he doesn’t start up the drinking and drugging again. He’s  an okay guy. He’s insecure. It’s not cool to be sad deep down where it counts.

In other news, you can watch that very special SVU on the 29th of this month. I think.

If you see a tall Black woman wearing bohemian clothing, chances are it’s me. Hope you tune in. The show rocks hard, man. Even if I’m on the cutting room floor, the show is groovy and you should watch.

Take ‘er easy and to all of my Jewish friends out there–Happy Passover…it’s a- comin’.

Hey gang! I’ve really been slacking off and there are no good reasons. Sure, I’m a busy gal. Sure, I’m making my way with this book thing. Bottom line is, I’ve not been in a really communicative mood. Haven’t felt much like writing and what with the anniversary of Dr. King’s assasination, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching.

It’s been forty years–FORTY years and I remember it like it was yesterday. I was four years of age and I remember seeing my mom crying. She was sitting at the television and sobbing. I knew something historically significant had happened. She wasn’t watching soap opera or a sad movie. At four, I KNEW that my life was going to change immeasurably.

I know what you’re thinking: how could a four year old know how important that event was? Well, in my family, we don’t treat our kids like morons. In my family, we discussed everything–including civil rights and the war in Vietnam. I knew what was going on. Maybe I didn’t understand why blacks weren’t given a fair shake–I grew up in a place where racism may have been alive and kicking, it wasn’t overt. We had a comfortable life…but my mom and dad grew up in Kansas and Mississippi- mom was in school in Kansas during the whole Brown vs. The Board of Education thing. Dad of course, was in MS for the better part of his formative years; no need to tell you that he understood only too well, the Jim Crow laws and lynchings. He’d seen his share of heartache. I think that’s why he enlisted in the Army. See the world and get a better understanding…anyhow, I’ve been thinking that I’m not doing nearly enough to make an impact on the world. What am I doing to keep the ‘dream’ alive? Am I being the best person I can be? Am I trying to help everyone I can with a cheerful heart?

Nope. Not by a long length. I’ve been too busy with my own headnoise. I’ve not been reaching out to my dearest people. I’ve been in my hole. Well, I’m getting out of it.

Lainie: I’m gonna ring ya as soon as I get a phone that won’t drop my calls every five seconds.

Gogammie: You have a call in your future as well.

Okay.

So, tomorrow is the anniversary of my sister’s death. That’s been on my mind as well.

Twenty-two years. It’s still fresh in my mind and it’s just as hard as it ever was. I miss her every day. I can hear her voice sometimes and it’s unnerving. There are days when I swear I see her walking ahead of me in this city and I rush to say something to her. When I reach my destination, I see that it’s a woman who resembles my sister only in that she’s of a similar build. Tears sting my eyes and I wander off, confused and sad. It’s never easy, kids.

You get sort of used to it, but you’re never over it. So, what do you do? You put one foot in front of the other and you breathe. You embrace the memories and share them with folks who knew her. You listen to music that reminds you of her, of her laughing at your stupid dances, of misheard lyrics…you just keep on truckin’  because you know you’re not the Lone Ranger–other folks have experienced great losses too. Get over  yourself and make your life happen the way you want it to happen. Believe in the miracles you can create.

You marvel at your resilience.

Okay, so if you’re me—you probably eat a ton of ice cream and stay in bed all day.

It’s a coping mechanism.

Get over it.

Okay, kids…that was kinda deep and rambling. My apologies.

I love ya and I’m here.

Talk it up. Keep laughing, keep loving and for goodness’ sake, keep on keepin’ on.

Be well!